Tunnels to Gates of White
by yourveryownocturne
Summary: An exploration of Yami and Yugi's relationship through the tangible, such as need, as well as the intangible, in the concept of forever. Puzzleshipping with a bit of Tendershipping.
1. Quenched

A/N: Hello all! This is my first attempt at a Puzzleshipping fic which I began for my dear friend Nicole, known around these parts as Mermaids). She is writing a Tendershipping fic for me in return! It's called In the Blackest of Rooms. Please check it out! She is a fantastic writer.

And here the story begins, so strap in!

* * *

><p><em>Yami./_

Yugi screamed silently into the stillness. The stillness responded with a silence that gave the waif of a boy the slightest of chills. He breathed heavily into the darkness, his darkness, waiting for him to present himself. Padded footsteps grew in a steady crescendo. They ceased abruptly as a rusty doorknob creaked comfortingly, revealing an exquisitely disheveled creature with a visage sharp enough to whet a Swiss army knife. The marvel ran a slender hand through his untamed hair, yawning as he gazed lazily upon the smaller boy.

_\Yes, hikari mine.\_

_/You left me, Yami./_

_\I'm sorry.\_

_/Why did you leave?/_

_\I just needed a drink of water. To quench this parched Egyptian tongue of mine.\_

_/Mmm. I had a nightmare./_

_\There's no need for those. You know I'll be here always.\_

_/I know./_

_\Always.\_

_/Mmm./_

Yugi rubbed sleep from his eyes. He was scorchingly gorgeous, achingly beautiful, wrapped in those swaddling insecurities of his, Yami gushed endlessly.

His violet eyes were pleading, his parted lips inviting. Yami couldn't help but melt.

The taller boy floated to their shared bed and nuzzled close to his Light. Yugi radiated heat, likely from his woozy sweaty nightmare.

_\Be mine.\_

_/I am./_

_\Always.\_

Their legs tangled in the sheets for what felt like the first time. Always the first time. How long had they been doing this? It must have been since the beginning, before anything else. There was never a time when they were anything but this. Yugi was convinced they never would be as he flushed infinitely, with an all-encompassing heat and undeniable pleasure, with the promise of an everlasting bond.

The all-too-familiar rush of tender longing washed over the darker half. Sometimes it felt like a pesky itch that could never be scratched, a craving that could never be fully satisfied. But now, now it was a rolling wave of unbroken affection, an unspoken promise. It whispered, I swear to belong to you and you alone, every day until the end of it all, when the sky goes black, when the world holds its breath for the last time, when Time itself falls through the center of the earth. In a word, forever.

_What was your nightmare about_, Yami mumbled into his hikari's neck.

Yugi turned onto his back and gazed at the ceiling. Yami could make out his delicately youthful features in the dim moonlight.

_I can't remember since you came back_. He closed his eyes and smiled gently.

He reached for his yami's hand, searching sweetly in the dark, at last lacing their fingers together. They fell asleep this way, thinking about time and movement and always and together and infinity.

* * *

><p>Yugi awoke with a start, his lids heavy with the memory of a sensation of restlessness. His eyes slowly adjusted to the steady beam of sunlight streaming through the window, which danced graciously on his yami's face. Yugi found himself mesmerized by the rise and fall of his other half's well-defined chest.<p>

Time passed immeasurably. Eventually the other shifted in his sleep, sending a ripple of unabashed pleasure down Yugi's spine, resounding fully within the chambers of his soul. He reached unconsciously towards the sleeping boy's face and stroked it gently with his thumb.

The darkness opened his eyes slowly. A rare smile graced his normally solemn face. He clasped his Light's soft, soft hand in his larger ones, tracing circles on paper skin with his own thumb.

_\Good morning, beautiful.\_

_/I missed you./_

_\I always miss you.\_

They shared another few tactile pieces of infinity as the sunlight continued its waltz on the sheets, the skin, the silence. Yugi felt a sudden surge of energy that propelled him to jump out of bed, leaving Yami amusedly puzzled. He ambled to the chest of drawers in the corner of the room, withdrawing his worn leather pants and black top. His signature outfit. From the closet he swiftly grabbed a chunky belt, the one with all the buckles, Yami's favorite, he noted with an impish smile.

As Yugi changed, he felt dusky eyes, hungry, hypnotic, heavy. There was no need to turn around. He knew, every time he knew. His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach for the first or last time, it was never clear. The darkness burned a steady lust into his very self, deeper and deeper with each fragile movement. This is how it always was. It didn't make him uncomfortable, although it used to, back when he was caught up in trifling technicalities and notions of unattainable perfection. He kept his back to the strong desire, lest it overtake him and force him into a moment of weakness.

The deep amethyst so naturally inhibited Yugi's ability to do. To see. To be anything but what must be destiny. Although it wasn't that he minded necessarily. _Breathe in._ It was just that maintaining focus on whatever task at hand always became more difficult than usual. What with the burning hunger wafting through the impenetrably thick air. _Breathe out. Slowly._ Yugi was an easily distracted fellow as it was, a bit absentminded, so being eyed like a piece of meat while easing his nightshirt over his bedhead was not exactly conducive to any form of productivity, really.

After what may have well be an eternity, Yugi was fully dressed and ready to tackle the day. He gave himself a pat on the back for keeping his mind on the mundane task of dressing. Finally he gave into the thirst and turned to face Yami. The bedroom eyes and familiar guise.

_/\Where are you going?\_

_/To ride my bike around town. I'll be back later./_

Yami sat up abruptly, looking haphazardly beautiful within the confines of the tiny space of the twin mattress. A rare flash of insecurity registered on the boy's face, only for the briefest of instants, although not unnoticed by Yugi, who knelt by his side, slowly brushed a lock of hair from his face, and kissed darkness on the cheek.

_/I'll be back, I just need some fresh air. You'll behave while I'm gone, won't you?/_

A mischievous glint shone in the purple depths, a gaze the two latched onto for several infinite moments. Yugi grinned sheepishly as he twisted the doorknob open. The doorknob was the thing that shut them out from the rest of the world, and the act of moving past it seemed, to Yugi, the most dangerous thing he ever had to do. More so than the menacing monsters of endless duels that would haunt him in his sleep, or the realization that one day he would grow up.

The all-too-familiar pang of consuming need nearly crushed the boy the moment the door shut behind him. He needed his Darkness, silently, unconditionally, irrevocably. Sometimes it was barely fathomable that Yugi managed to engage in solitary activities at all. But this need subsided rather satisfyingly as the youth mounted his ever-faithful bicycle, pedaling steadily in the direction of the luminous horizon.


	2. Faltering

It was still early enough in the day for Yugi to catch some brunch. He pedaled down the block, eagerly soaking in the sounds of chirping birds and pleasant conversation. The sounds of the city. He inhaled sweetly and, for a fleeting moment, wished his darkness was here to enjoy it with him.

No, he put an end to the thought. Darkness was not meant to enjoy the light. Yami wouldn't belong. Would he? Then again, his did take a seemingly ironic solace in his hikari's presence.

Or, plausibly, not so ironic. Perhaps light had been created for the darkness. Instead of being at odds, they were meant to grow and love the other. The moon and the sun, the stars and the clouds, were meant to be one. It would explain the otherwise inexplicable bond between the two, the tender whisperings of beautiful words, or the delicate exchanges of exquisite expressions. They had been born for each other, and, had the stars not been so crossed, they would have died for each other. Light was necessary for darkness to exist, so that it would not be completely extinguished, eradicated, expunged.

Hmm.

Maybe he would take Yami around Domino City more often.

Yugi slowed his pace as he rounded the corner, doe eyes falling upon his favorite café. His tires screeched gently as he came to a stop, locking his rusty yet trusty bicycle to a convenient rack directly outside the tiny shop.

The boy opened the door slowly, taking time to enjoy the sound of the chimes glittering, of voices rising and falling harmoniously, of memories that had been made in the café over the years, and of memories that had yet to be conceived. All of these were tangible in the instant he pulled the glass door towards him, momentarily overcome with nostalgia.

"Hello, Yugi-kun!" a friendly voice floated from behind the counter.

Yugi felt a genuine smile grace his boyish face, subtracting a few years, all the more endearingly.

"Tezuka-san!" he waved.

The bright female made a clicking noise of mock exasperation.

"For the last time, Yugi-kun, call me Ai." Had he not known better, Yugi would've sworn the brunette sent a sea green wink his way. But Ai was with Duke, or so he'd thought. Then again, she was the type to flirt with everyone, Yugi mused.

Yugi ordered a banana nut muffin and a dark chocolate mocha, his regular on his irregular Saturday morning visits. He flashed a youthful smile at the playful barista and took a seat by the sunniest window in the pleasantly bustling café. The chimes sparkled once more.

"Yugi? Is that you?" *

The slightest hint of an accent alerted Yugi to the speaker, his eyes lighting up at the gentle inflection. He turned around to meet the eager eyes of his fellow hikari.

"Hey, Ryou! Come sit."

The white-haired boy obliged, taking a seat across from his shorter counterpart.

"How are you, Yugi?" Ryou asked in sweet, melodic tones.

Yugi wiped his mouth with a napkin. "I'm doing well. I can't complain. Today is just so beautiful, I had to take the opportunity to ride my bike. To get a bit of sun."

Ryou nodded. "Spring brings out the best in people. I wish everyone was always in your kind of mood, that we didn't have to rely on the weather to give us a positive outlook on life."

Yugi scanned the other's face for a twinge of pain as he spoke. He found it. Sympathy flooded his voice as he returned, "How have you been doing, Ryou?"

A sad smile graced Ryou's doe-eyed countenance. "I've been well. Been keeping myself busy with school work and such."

"How are things with Bakura?" Yugi ventured, wincing in anticipation of possibly striking a nerve.

"Things are going better than they were last week."

Yugi nodded compassionately. He'd known that there were tensions between the hikari and yami of the other pair, although he wasn't entirely sure of circumstances regarding these tensions. He didn't want to intrude by asking specific questions, so he simply listened to whatever thoughts Ryou was willing to divulge. He knew that last week Bakura had pushed Ryou to the ground in his characteristic rage, leaving the hikari slightly bruised, but that he begrudgingly apologized later. Ryou was grateful for his yami's effort to reach out to him, but things hadn't been quite the same between them since. From what Yugi could glean, Bakura was normally very tender to Ryou, but when he inadvertently let his violent tendencies betray his hikari, who meant more to him than anything else in all of existence, he behaved more gruffly than usual. Not quite as affectionately. Probably the result of some inner turmoil he couldn't, wouldn't, let Ryou see.

Ryou and Bakura, Yugi noticed for not the first time, were more obviously dark and light than Yami and himself. The stark white contrasted severely with the heavy dark. However, that was not to say that Ryou was completely innocent, naïve, spotless. How could he be with Bakura perpetually lurking in the shadows of his very being? However, that was not to say that Bakura was made up only of darkness, anguish, sin. They seemed to be drawn together by these entwining differences, while Yami and Yugi were more similar than different. They were both loyal, dependable, affectionate. They were both lost, Yami trying to discover his past, Yugi struggling to accept his future. In spite of these similarities, the desperately strong bond between the tangible and the intangible, Yugi knew deep down that they didn't have forever. Nobody did. He knew that Yami was with him in passing, until he could figure out who he was and how he came to be with Yugi. They both liked to call it destiny; Yami would nibble on Yugi's ear and whisper that the gods had dealt the cards in their favor. Whatever the force, they both knew it was a rare gem that most people never experienced, in this life, or the next.

"Well, Ryou, let me know if there's anything I can do to help you."

Ryou nodded and smiled weakly, sweetly. "Thanks, Yugi."

Yugi impulsively clasped his pale hands over the other's.

"Anything."

A slight tint of red painted Ryou's porcelain cheeks.

"Thanks, mate." He returned the sentiment by raising their hands together in a gesture of solidarity.

A throat cleared itself from a few feet away.

"Aww. Look at you two lovebirds."

Yugi smiled. "Good to see you too, Marik."

He knew Marik was teasing. He liked to pretend that Yugi and Ryou were together, since the hikari in them corresponded so seamlessly. The two boys were able to bond especially over their love for their respective yami counterparts, and Yugi had always been there for Ryou when things went awry, although the white-haired boy never liked to admit when he needed the help. Admittedly, they were quite open with their relationship, closer than most males their age would let on with other friends.

The sandy-haired teen took a seat by his fellow yadonushi, pulling his chair close to Ryou. He propped his chin on his hand, eyelashes fluttering at Ryou. He winked at Yugi from across the table when the darker purple eyes lifted to meet the ones of icy lavender. Yugi raised an eyebrow, as if to scold the darker (both in skin color and in spirit) boy for his underhanded flirtation.

"How are you, Ryou?" the dark boy nearly purred.

"I'm well, Marik-kun. Haven't seen you in a while." Ryou turned to face Marik with a smile. "I'm glad we bumped into each other here."

Marik laughed loudly, almost harshly, and positioned himself in his chair so he could rest his head on Ryou's bony shoulder while clutching his forearm as a child would. He flashed another coy smile in Yugi's direction. What game was he playing? By what rules? Knowing the Egyptian's mischievous nature, Yugi thought, he had undoubtedly fashioned his own rules for this impromptu game of indefinite flirtation.

All of this went unnoticed by Ryou, of course, the most gracious and comparatively naïve of the three. The other two had had their share of romance, Yugi with Tea (a flop, but an encounter nonetheless) and now Yami, and Marik with countless men and women of golden sands and soft voices with seductive inflections. They were able to recognize the signs of attraction, making Marik's blatant flirtation all the more amusing, given that it went directly over Ryou's head.

Yugi clucked knowingly. Marik had captured Ryou's attention with a digital camera, gushing about the places he'd been and the pictures he'd taken, immortalizing pieces of infinity within the span of 10.2 megapixels. Impressive. Ryou smiled warmly and laughed softly at the company and wit of the other as Yugi watched from what felt greater a distance than it was. Suddenly, he missed his other half.

The pain seared through the hikari like a knife reentering an old wound. He felt his knees weaken and his head grow woozy with waves of fever, crashing in his mind relentlessly. The age-old feeling of missing his One and Only slowly began to consume him until it was almost unbearable.

Ryou sensed a disturbance in the essential balance between Yugi and himself. Ryou glanced up from the pixelated images to confirm his suspicions. The look on Yugi's face told him that nothing could be okay ever again, not until Darkness scooped him up in constant arms and lay him down on the worn creaky ancient indulgent beautiful tattered bed they'd shared since… when? The beginning? What was the beginning? Suddenly nothing was clear. It was not unlike looking through a telescope at a cloudy night sky, yearning, crying for even a single star to save him from the singular stigma of solitude.

Yugi tried to shake himself out of it, which, as always, proved to be more difficult than anticipated. The more he tried to force a patient smile, the more despondent he became. The more despondent he became, the sillier he felt for missing someone who promised always, so even if he wasn't there, he was. The sillier he felt, the more frustrated he grew over his inability to think of anything but his current state of pathetic half-existence. At this point, the only thing to do was wallow.

"I say, Yugi, are you all right?" Ryou's bottomless brown eyes worriedly searched the purple orbs staring back at him.

"Ryou, I need to go. I'll see you later."

Marik stopped his game of unabashed wooing long enough to take in Yugi's dejected expression. He stood up and stooped down to the poor creature, scanning him with warm concern.

"Hey, it's all right." He gave the distressed boy a friendly hug, his Egyptian warmth overwhelming the smaller boy in tiny bouts. He embarked on a strange journey of consciousness in which he was intensely distraught but largely unsure as to why or how it began, which only increased his misery. Although the bronzed-skinned boy's sympathetic rather than purely coquettish gesture did comfort him a bit. A reluctant smile turned his lips upward, causing the other boy to beam blatantly.

Convinced that he had cured Yugi of whatever unexplained force was assailing him, he boldly took Ryou by the arm and pulled him from his seat.

"You heard Yugi, Ryou-chan. He's a busy guy. Let's go to the park."

Ryou's chocolate eyes sparkled at the mention of the park.

"Oh, yes! But - "

A wave of indecision passed through his eyes. He turned back to the recently unhinged Yugi.

"Will you be okay, Yugi?" he asked in soft tones. "I don't want to leave you like this."

Yugi waved his hand in a sign of dismissal. "I'll be fine. I'm being silly. I get in strange moods sometimes, I can't really explain it." He smiled feebly. "But I'll be fine."

Still unsure, Ryou bent down and wrapped his slender arms around Yugi's slight frame. The smaller boy shifted comfortably in his arms, content to remain this way for a few moments. He almost instantly felt significantly better. He was so grateful to have Ryou in his life. A more candid smile brightened his countenance, which Ryou reciprocated heartily.

"I'll see you guys later!" Yugi waved goodbye to the other two hikari. He grabbed his empty cup and crumpled up napkins and tossed them into a wastebasket by the door. The chimes swirled restlessly, an ethereal chorus of overlapping melodies, as Yugi let the door slam behind him.

* * *

><p>*AN: Now, I want you to stop for a minute and think about the incredulity of this line. You are Ryou. You are walking into a café. You see your friend sitting in the corner. Your friend has spiky gold purple black hair. He's dressed like a bondage slave as usual. Just to be sure it's him and not someone else, you call out to him. And whaddya know, he turns around, and it _is_ him. Like. Ryou. Baby doll. Who the shit else looks like that.

Shout outs:  
>-Thanks to my friend &amp; roommate Mermaids, who showers me with praise and inspires me to think of plot with her awesome ability to keep her story introspective, but also moving along at an appropriate pace. (If you haven't already checked out In the Blackest of Rooms, you should!)<br>-Thank you, sweet dreams, for the lovely compliment. :D  
>Other reviewers, I'm glad my writing could make you feel feelings. ^^<p>

Anyway, please review! I would really appreciate more feedback.


	3. Particles

AN: I apologize in advance for the gratuitous amounts of fluff in this chapter. But I promised Nicole a fluffy puzzleshipping fic, and so fluffy puzzleshipping ye shall receive!  
>MORE SHAMELESS PROMOTION. GO READ HER FIC. Her username's Mermaids, her fic is In the Blackest of Rooms. You will not regret it.<p>

Really though, Yami x Yugi is the most fundamentally flufftastic pairing in all of Yu-Gi-Oh. So I'm trying to convey that through fluffy parts (also through motifs of juxtaposition yiss), but I think this will be the fluffiest chapter I'll post for a while. I promise I will develop their relationship further as the story progresses. In fact, if you squint really hard, count backwards from twelve, and stand on your head, you might be able to make out a shape in the distance that vaguely resembles the plot…

Extracorporeal: (adjective) occurring or situated outside the body.

* * *

><p>Pedaling. Breathing. Heaving. Gasping. Panting.<p>

Yugi stopped about a block from the game shop, doubled over in self-inflicted pain. His fragile frame was not accustomed to the amount of physical exertion to which he had subjected himself. If Yami could see him in this state, Yugi imagined, he would lower himself onto bended knee, push sweaty clumps of hair behind his hikari's ear, and carry his Light in ancient arms back to their room, always their room.

But Yami was not there, Yugi reminded himself, which sent the boy into another bout of sharp gasping, trying his best to recover his breath and steady his heart rate once more.

Slowly but surely, Yugi regained the ability to push a steady flow of air in and out of his lungs. He walked his bicycle for the next block and rounded the final corner to the familiar street which housed the tiny game shop.

Yugi locked his bike to the railing at the side of the shop, being sure to keep himself out of sight of anyone looking through the transparent shop door at that moment. In vulnerable moments like these, he liked to remain isolated, unperturbed by his grandfather's relentless questions and pitiful glances. Grandpa, who still knew so little of the Spirit of the Puzzle. Grandpa, who knew nothing of the infinite whispers and tender caresses behind closed doors. Grandpa, who rarely saw this heartbroken, human, hurting version of the grandson he thought he knew.

Which is why Yugi took the back stairs, which led directly to the bedroom anyway. As he climbed the stairs, the thought of being reunited with his cool darkness caused his heart rate also to climb.

He firmly twisted the doorknob to the comfort and security of infinite blackness. A weight lifted and another dropped as he soaked up his lover's presence. His precious state of graceful repose, the shadowy corner of tangled clothes. He collapsed into Darkness, into the knowledge that Darkness would always be.

Eyes opened. Yami sat up abruptly, awoken by the stark imbalance of emotional energy rather than by Yugi's delicate movements.

_\Hikari. What's wrong?\_

Yugi inhaled sharply, resting his head on Yami's chest.

_/I just had to see you. I don't know why I left. I don't want to be without you again./_

Sharp amethyst eyes softened. Sturdy hands found quiet hips.

_\Then don't. Stay.\_

_/But I have to. I can't – /_

Yami pressed his lips to Yugi's, deliciously silencing any form of protest.

As they immersed wholly in one another for the first or last time, Yugi again wondered when it all began, this tentative tangling of tendrils.* Was it meant to be, fate, destiny? If so, was destiny really so tangible? Or was this thing they had merely a chance encounter between two worlds? Was Yugi simply kidding himself by pretending otherwise? There were so many questions he knew neither of them had the power to answer. Maybe that was destiny, being with someone without knowing why or how, being content with the now, taking solace in the knowledge that you had each other.

Yugi felt strong arms wrap around his middle and sighed openly. Thumbs traced circles into his cheek, lips brushed his forehead gracefully, teeth nibbled his ear playfully. How could he ever want to know anything but this?

In this endless moment, Yugi realized how utterly helpless he had become. He strongly disliked the vulnerability, but he had discovered long ago it was a small price to pay for this piece of infinity. Yami for him had become a sort of god, although he would never admit it.

_\I have something to show you_. _Close your eyes_.\

Yugi obliged unquestioningly.

_\Open_.\

He did.

He found himself surrounded by darkness. He couldn't make out his hands; his eyes focused and refocused repeatedly in an effort to make sense of the blindness. Any sort of clarity or self-awareness was completely extinguished by the all-consuming night, leaving him in a state of contented ignorance.

Slowly but surely, a thin ray of light emerged from an unknown source. Yugi blinked until his eyes discovered opaque outlines of hands, heavy hands making their way to a face that had evolved into a rush of particles in waves of darkness. He felt himself evolving into a him that was more than him, an outside presence slowly weaving its way into his innermost existence.

He saw his Yami illuminated, surrounded by a ring of unknown brightness, hand outstretched. He took it, completely overwhelmed with the undulating flow of the other's every atom melting with his own.

In this unknown room, or corridor, or realm, he existed in a state that was not strictly extracorporeal, yet not trapped within the confines of his physical body. This state was balanced out by a connection with his other half so strong it gave him a fully solid sense of touch, the unparalleled ability to feel the whisper of warm breath, or a brush of fingers that always found a way to linger. The senses in this way were heightened. Rather than sensing the movements physically, he experienced them in rushes of particles, rushes varying in intensity and location within the chambers of his soul.

Here, Yugi felt so closely linked with these sensations that he could not distinguish between his individual existence and the ancient bond of light and dark. The ancient promise sealed in a perpetual sea, one day to wash up onto the vast terrain of forever.

_I've wanted to show you since the day you set me free_, Yami hummed, _but the timing was never right. Just now, when you collapsed on our bed in a broken heap, that's when I knew. And now you'll know._

Yugi found himself being led through stark white corridors, down nameless halls, eyes open wide. One by one, sets of intricate staircases emerged, simple at first, then gradually evolving into perplexing twists and turns that not even the most ingenious architect could have possibly constructed. Some of them seemed to interconnect, while others ended… where? Up above? Did they simply taper off? Yugi looked to his Yami's eyes for answers. The clouded crimson replied with wistful warmth.

As they continued their journey, the two souls eventually found themselves surrounded by these stairways, leaving no discernible path out. There was no way for Yugi to gauge the size of the room. It could have been a celestial palace, or just another dingy bedroom in another dimly lit city.

The steps of the central staircase were wide and slowly narrowed the higher they climbed. Hand over hand, Yami led Yugi to the bottom step, pulling his hikari down with him. Slowly, in increments, Yami let go of the soft hand he'd learned to hold on to ceaselessly all those years ago.

They sat in silence for a few moments, the rush of particles hanging thickly in the air. Yugi lifted a hand so that tingling sensations slowly returned to each finger, swimming beneath his skin.

_/Yami, what is this?/_

Vibrant eyes met pale ones, unwavering depths immersing themselves in one another.

_\It's me.\_

_/I don't understand./_

Yami rested a slender hand on the step, closing the few inches of space between the two.

_\As you know, I was locked inside the Milennium Puzzle for years and decades and centuries before you solved it. I am largely unsure of the circumstances surrounding my existence as the Spirit of the Puzzle. However, I have discovered that since you are the one who set me free, we are destined to be one, you and I. Hikari and yami. The gods must have willed it, written in the ancient scrolls, in the roar of prehistoric oceans. I cannot remember anything of my existence before you, aibou._

The darker half took the lighter's hand and held it to his chest for several moments.

_\This is my soul room. All these staircases lead to places I've been but can't recall, people I've met but can't identify, mysteries I've revisited countless times but never solved. I've been grappling with the uncertainty for eons. But since you set me free, Yugi, I have renewed hope that one day this will all become clear. Each day I spend with you gives me new hope in discovering the past, that I might enjoy a future with you.\_

Yami quietly kissed his aibou's hair, sending myriads of particles whirling pleasantly into the space around and inside them.

_\Now you know. Now we can never be apart.\_

Yugi felt his heart fill to the brim and subsequently tear through his chest cavity. It settled somewhere outside of himself, in the space of the spirit sitting beside him. The energy in the movement mingled between the two presences, now becoming one, as Yugi wrapped thin arms around surging darkness.

_/I'll help you, Yami. We can do it together, you know. You're not alone anymore. Maybe it's why we're together. Maybe it's why I found the Puzzle in the first place, to return your identity to you./_

A brilliant smile illuminated Yami's formerly forlorn countenance. His eyes melted into pools of burgundy, swimming with bliss.

_\Would you do that for me, aibou?\_

Yugi returned the smile with a gentle squeeze and a sparkle in his eye.

_/Of course./_

The two lay side by side for what would feel like another five thousand years

* * *

><p>*AN: Thank you, Kurt Vonnegut, for some of the most heartbreakingly beautiful writing of all time. Requiescat in pacem.<p>

**AN: This part was inspired by a moment of enlightenment I had today at a colleague's collaborative piano recital. As I was sitting there, soaking in the aesthetic experience, I had a thought. In making this music, I realized, the musicians were taking this music, something outside of themselves, and making it part of them. By internalizing the music, they became more of themselves. A sort of self-actualization. They were able to use music to become themselves more fully, to be a bigger part of the human experience.

Please review! I want to be able to continue to provide you readers with good fluff, so if you let me know how I'm doing, I'll keep working towards that goal.


	4. Patterns

AN: Sorry this has taken me so long to post D: I've been shittingly busy this week, practicing piano and studying for exams, and wrote about half of this chapter from Friday night to Saturday night. But exciting things happen here (plot?) so I think you will find it to be worth the wait.

* * *

><p>The morning after was a Monday.<p>

Ugh.

Yugi hated Mondays. Of course. Everyone hated Mondays. Although the reasons Yugi hated Mondays were probably vastly dissimilar than the reasons everyone else did. Mondays violently jerked him from his world of Yami and desire and caresses and whispers and tiny little touches no one else could ever see. Monday sent Yugi crashing down. Hard. It banished him to a reality he had always had difficulty accepting as his own. While most of his colleagues were battling hangovers or stifling yawns from lack of sleep, Yugi found himself struggling with the implications of sleeping with a five-thousand-year-old spirit without a name who had recently acquired his own physical form, as well the implications of being without him.

On those dreaded days, he lived from moment to moment, picking himself up and going through the motions, motivated by the notion that he had to be his own person. Had to wake himself up in the morning, go to school, get an education – pay attention, don't waste the teacher's time. He had to interact with friends – oh what was that math homework again, and we should totally meet up after school. Smile. Wave. Laugh. Speak. A few words, a shuffling of feet, a haphazard look in the other direction.

It wasn't that Yugi didn't like his circle of friends. He did. They were some of the most loyal, albeit misguided, cohorts he could ask for. They'd been there for each other through thick and thin, and he knew they always would be. However, especially recently, they were becoming a bit of a nuisance, disrupting Yugi while he was deep in thought. Thoughts of Darkness, of touching and submerging and simply being –

Dammit, no. What happened in the tiny game shop's tiny bedroom was meant to exist only within the confines of the dense ten-by-twelve space. It had no business following Yugi around on his daily excursions. Hadn't it learned by now he'd return that evening, and every following evening for an immeasurable infinity?

He wanted to believe today would be different. He wanted with a burning yearning to make it different. The only thing he lacked was the willpower, sucked dry from him by a particular spirit for infinite nights before.

Some days, especially Mondays, Yugi wondered if there was any willpower left at all. There must have been, given that with each passing day, he seemed to be missing more of it. Unless one could have a negative supply of willpower, which Yugi did not believe could exist in this realm. You either had it or you didn't. It was very black and white, although recently he had found himself dabbling in areas of grey. Grey tainted with pools of crimson, seeping from the recesses of his very self.

Yugi hated Mondays.

"What's up, Yug?" The inexplicable Brooklyn accent wafted through the atmosphere around Yugi's ears, landing somewhere in the space directly in front of him.

"Oh, nothing much, Joey," Yugi replied, hurrying to cover up the lag in his response time. "How was your weekend?"

The blond leaned back in his chair and stretched lazily, nearly smacking an unsuspecting classmate in the face.

"Great! Tristan and I went down to the arcade Saturday and whooped a coupl'a freshmen in Tokyo Drift," he beamed widely.

Yugi managed a smile at the enthusiasm of his endearingly misguided friend.

"Sounds like fun. I can't remember the last time I played Tokyo Drift."

"You should come next time. You know, I haven't seen you around the arcade in a while. Matter-uh-fact, feels like I haven't seen you outside school much lately…"

Yugi's heart quickened as he ransacked his brain for words of apology, of explanation, of vindication. All he could find in his tattered mind were unkempt corners engulfed in darkness slowly making its way to his hypothalamus, raising the boy's inner temperature to an unbearable heat, a heat suited for bronze-skinned sinners in sultry sands…

"Hey, guys!" An abnormally shrill voice saved Yugi from the embarrassment of admitting his reality to a guy who still spent his Saturdays playing a game designed for teenagers with miniscule attention spans. It was almost as bad as like playing a children's card – wait.

"Hi, Tea!" Yugi waved pleasantly. Never had he been more relieved by the aspiring dancer's presence.

Much to Yugi's chagrin, Téa bent down and wrapped her arms around him in a sneak attack that he reprimanded himself for not expecting. Téa was quite a huggy person, after all, and it had been an entire three days since he'd last seen her. In Téa time, it very well may have been a month.

Not that he minded being hugged. Quite the opposite, in fact. But, circumstances being what they were, and the past being what it was…

"How are things with you, Téa?"

Téa's eyes lit up brightly enough to illuminate a stage.

"You won't believe what I did this weekend!"

"Oh?"

"I went down to the arcade and beat everyone in DDR!"

Yugi grinned naturally. "Everyone?"

"Everyone! Well, okay, so there were those girls from homeroom who are always flirting with Duke, and they were all like…"

Yugi sat complacently as Téa, teeming with enthusiasm, prattled vivaciously about her weekend adventures in DDR. He knew that not everyone was fond of Téa, and he was willing to admit, sometimes he wasn't, either. But over the last few years, he had come to know things about her that no one else would ever think to ask. He knew better than anyone that her zeal for friendship was genuine; her friends meant the world to her. Granted, she had the tendency to go overboard at times, but when your heart is that deeply rooted in something, be it an idea, a person, or a place, it's always better to have too much passion than too little. He admired her passion, a blazing zest for living that could not be easily extinguished. He admired her self-confidence, an attribute to which he had always aspired, but always managed to fall short. He admired the way she carried herself, the way she stood tall with a slightly mischievous gleam in her eye. He watched her in the hopes that he could one day face the world with square shoulders and a sense of pride in who he was.

"I'm really happy for you, Téa. It sounds like you had a great weekend."

"I did." The sparkle in her eye intensified. "What about you, Yugi? What'd you do?"

Oh.

Everything started crashing down around him again. The beginning of a vicious cycle. However, he managed to save himself this time. He felt his ever-dwindling resolve finally start to strengthen, and for a fraction of a moment, it was almost exhilarating. Being free from the weight of darkness. Almost. That was the amazing thing about Téa. She made him stronger. Simply being in her presence changed him in ways he would never understand. It was the primary reason he found himself capable of stepping into a leadership role within their social group. Sometimes he wondered what he'd do without her around.

"Not much, really. Lazy weekend. I rode my bike around town a bit. Oh, I ran into Ryou and Marik on Saturday, so that was fun."

Téa pondered for a moment. "I haven't seen those two in a while. Has Ryou been to class recently?"

"Yeah. Remember? We were all playing Duel Monsters in the corner before homeroom just last Friday. He was there."

"Oh, I'm awful." Téa buried her face in her hands. Yugi laughed lightheartedly at her dramatic change in mood.

"He's a quiet fellow. I'm sure he wouldn't be offended by the fact that you didn't notice him. He does like to keep in the background."

This seemed to appease Téa, as she moved on to other more pressing issues, such as oh my God, did you see what she was wearing?, even though at school they were required to wear uniforms, so Yugi wasn't entirely sure to what Téa could be referring…

Yugi's mind drifted to thoughts of Ryou. He hoped his fellow hikari had managed to survive another weekend with Bakura's unpredictable behavior. He knew their relationship wasn't good for Ryou's mental stability. Yugi's thoughts soured at the notion of having a partner who was tender to him when it suited him, but turned on him when things didn't go his way. The more he interacted with Ryou, the poorer his opinion of the spirit became. Yugi just wanted Ryou to be happy, and he knew that happiness was easy for Ryou to fake, but difficult for him to mean. Yugi didn't know how Ryou managed to maintain that unshakable composure at school. He must have been fighting a fierce battle beneath liquid brown eyes.

"'Ello, Yugi!"

A soft voice uttered the greeting in the unmistakable inflection of a boy putting on his best face for the world. Yugi turned his head sharply to the image of Ryou's ever-smiling face.

"Ryou!"

He discreetly scanned the boy's pale face, as well as his arms, searching for a hint of a trace of a sign of emotional or physical harm that may have been wrought him over the course of the last few days. He could find none. Then again, Ryou was not one to allow his wounds to show, particularly not in such a heavily populated environment as homeroom.

Ryou took a seat next to Yugi after exchanging pleasantries with their other friends.

"How are you, Yugi?"

"I'm well. What about you? Everything okay?"

Ryou's eyes crinkled in another classic Ryou smile.

"Yes, everything is fine. I'm just glad to be back at school. I always feel like the weekend is a dream, and come Monday morning, I wake up to reality."

Yugi nodded in agreement. "Everything is so… crazy on the weekends, then once you start school on Monday, you get back into a routine. Things start to make more sense."

Joey's ears perked up and he leaned back once more in his seat, craning his neck to get a better angle on the conversation.

"Whaddya talkin' about? I don't have a routine. Don't need one. I'm a man of action, y'know, thinkin' on the fly."

Ryou nudged Joey playfully. "Hopefully that continues to work to your advantage, Joey."

Joey gasped a quick "nyeh" before leaning back a centimeter too far and crashing to the floor. The entire class grew deathly silent for about two seconds before Yugi found Ryou struggling to suppress a series of uncontrollable giggles.

Yugi shook his head and chuckled, running fingers through hair in embarrassment for his friend. Joey scowled and slunk back into his seat, sending another ripple of chortles across the room.

The bell swooped in heroically and rescued Joey from further humiliation. Yugi smiled contentedly and readjusted himself in his seat. It felt nice to be back in school, he found himself admitting quietly. He understood what Ryou meant by getting back into a routine, finding a steadfast series of people, places, and things on which he could rely for a sense of certainty regarding his dual reality.

Yugi continued through the day with relative normalcy – algebra, history, biology, English. In algebra, he was able to remain focused on the material at hand – this week it was polynomials – because it made so much sense. He was fascinated by the patterns interweaving to shine light onto the solution to any given problem. Then the patterns would unwind and reconnect in a different design to arrive at the same conclusion. In a way, it was like fate, that these varying procedures would always lead to such immaculate results. It must have been fate…

The bell rang.

In history, Yugi noticed more of these patterns. He wondered if the patterns found in algebra were at all related, perhaps distant cousins, to patterns he discovered in World War I and II. European powers invading smaller, weaker countries. Fraudulent leaders overstepping long-established boundaries. Not as beautiful, he thought, but just as real. He scribbled inspired notes in the margin of his paper in cramped handwriting, attempting to immortalize these thoughts, or at least save them for later, perhaps for conversation with Yami.

_\Yugi.\_

Yugi sat up straight in his seat, startled by the intimately familiar voice outside its usual environment.

_/Yami? What are you doing? I'm in class right now./_

He could hear the Darkness smile as he spoke through their link.

_\You called to me through our link.\_

_/Wait, no I didn't…/_

_\Inadvertently. Simply by thinking of me.\_

_/But I'm always thinking about you./_

Shit. So much for tabula rasa Monday…

_/At any rate, I can't talk to you. I'm having difficulty paying attention as it is./_

The spirit ignored the diversion.

_\Of course you're always thinking of me, hikari.\_

Even non-physically, Yami found a way to purr with such persistence.

And just like that, as inexplicably as he manifested himself in Yugi's thoughts, the spirit left.

Yugi shook himself of the unnerving experience in time for lunch.

During lunch, Yugi was finally able to talk to Ryou again. The thought of the boy's fragile well-being had lingered in the back of Yugi's mind during class, amidst highly conceptual thoughts of patterns and destiny and forever. The two sat with their friends at the beginning of lunch period, engaging in lighthearted small talk as they nibbled nervously on finger food, but relocated to the shade of a distant tree once they finished eating.

Yugi leaned against the fence which separated the school from the rest of town. He kicked a stray pebble, a move which sent it skidding across the asphalt.

"Ryou. Can you be honest with me?"

Ryou smiled, sincerely rather than calculatingly. His posture relaxed ever so slightly.

"Of course, Yugi."

"I… I want to make sure you're okay. I don't mean to pry. If you don't want to talk about it, I understand. But I'm just a bit worried." He hesitated. "You do a good job of pretending. You always have. No one ever thinks to ask. But I can sense there's something wrong."

Ryou directed his gaze towards the pebble Yugi had kicked moments ago. Infinitely dark eyes rose slowly to sing a string of silence into the vivid orbs staring back into him.

"It's hard, Yugi," Ryou spoke finally. "I can never tell what's going on inside his head. Some days he'll be pleasant, others he'll be nasty. Some days he'll be close; others, distant." He paused and glanced up at a bird landing on a nearby tree, then taking flight once more.

He continued. "I like when he's close to me. I like when he opens up and… treats me like a person. A… a me."* He inhaled deeply. "But I can never fully enjoy it because I know it won't last. Can't last. So, I've been training myself to appreciate his good days and trudge through the rubbish ones. But, as I said, it's quite taxing. I wish he'd pick a side. I would prefer him to be consistently cruel over this, whatever this is…"

Yugi's eyes shone with sympathy for the white-haired boy at his side.

"Ryou…"

Ryou waved a hand dismissively.

"Don't worry about me, though. I always pull through, ne?"

Yugi frowned. "But I'm your friend, Ryou. I can't help but worry. That's what friends do."

Yugi felt the all-too-familiar tug on his conscience. He interpreted this tug as Yami's approval of Yugi's prying, a sign of genuine interest rather than juvenile curiosity.

"We're both hosts, you and I," Yugi went on to say, accepting Yami's presence as a sign of encouragement. "You can talk to me. You know you're not in this alone. You know you can't shut Bakura out, and you can't shut your friends out when we try to help you."

Yugi winced. Where'd that come from? Surely he'd gone too far.

_\Don't apologize. This is what he needs to hear.\_

Ryou blinked several times in rapid succession. Finally he laughed, a strange kind of laugh that wasn't quite his own.

"I suppose you're right, aren't you, old friend?" His voice adapted a slightly bitter tone. A sinister flame flickered through his eyes. "Although you're the only one who fits the bill. Don't tell me they have any concern for my well-being." He gestured towards their circle of friends several yards away.

_\Let me in.\_

_/Yami, no, I can handle this – /_

Yugi fought. He'd never fought before. He'd always let the spirit take over whenever it suited him. Yami knew best. Yami always knew best.

_\You know you want it.\_

He did.

He gave in.

* * *

><p>*Thinly veiled Requiem for a Dream reference. Huzzah!<p>

AN: If you read, pretty please review. Something as simple as writing one specific thing you enjoyed about it, or possibly a suggestion. Just be like "oh hey, I liked the part where you talked about math" or "oh hey, you shouldn't digress so much from the plot with character introspections and development." I dunno. Whatever you want.

As always, go check out Mermaids' fic, In the Blackest of Rooms. It's so fehking good. You won't even be sorry.

(●v●)~*


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